I would think that more of us have the ability to just look at someone and know where that person ranks in the continuum of smart to stupid. Insensitive as it sounds, we all can generally size someone up, tailor our comments and the discussion based on the cover of the book. Today is not my day to let down my guard. Today, do I really look like I am stupid?
As I pull up to the coffee drive-thru and grasp my large cup of regular coffee and four cream my super-Spidey senses tell me that something is amiss...I say to the TWO lovely employees manning the drive-thru " This is cold." Conversation goes something like this:
"No its not. You did order 4 cream. It does that sometimes when you put that much cream in the cup."
"Did you run out of fresh coffee? If so, just give me my money back and I will hit the next drive thru" said with a smile.
Second attendant "No we have fresh coffee. You just have a lot of cream." Now two lovely representatives of this company honestly believe I will drive away with this cold cup of coffee.
"So if I patronize this establishment and you have seen my face @ least twice a day for years now and I always order the same cup with all this cream and today is the first day that I tell you its cold, not hot then I am the one with issues related to my central nervous system? This cup is cold."
Drive thru attendant pours another cup with 4 cream. Its hot...piping hot. They both apologize. I thank them and tell them I will see them tomorrow and drive away content with my hot coffee tasting just the way I like it. One problem...this didn't happen today it happened 2 weeks ago and I let it go. Just like that. Let it go.
Until I woke this morning, reminded of my neighbor who graciously grilled dinner for us last night and upon departure he said to my husband, " You need to get control of this woman. You wear the pants, get it done," all in jest of course. And now I am thankful that I am noticing this pattern. I am slipping. I am letting my guard down. Before you know it, the kids will be getting away with things that I swore I would never let happen. Saying whatever they want and we just can't have that, can we?
As a Christian woman I now confess I struggle between "turning the other cheek" and my strong independent woman "upbringing" that wants to break this pattern and wear my "People I am not stupid" gameface.
I wonder if Jesus ever said..."Woman, do I look like I am stupid?" and confronted his people...because someone needs to get me that verse. Until then, I am marching on....watch out. These preschoolers in my house will see the incarnation of some smart old lady with wisdom and wit and a shot of no-nonsense. My husband will wear a skirt, by God. The coffee will always be hot granted I have a functioning voice box and that neighbor....there are cupcakes headed his way, laced with ex-lax. Don't let your guard down, ladies. Get funky.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
My kid: President for Underachiever Club?
Who are we kidding? Why did our parents ever tell us "You can be anything you want to when you grow up!" So many parents I speak with, hear from these days are all about homeschooling, private schooling or worse...killing themselves in a workplace to afford a better district. Then there is the likelihood of your kids getting playing time on the field or better yet making the team after years of paying thousands of dollars for select teams...reminds me of this:
I once was a guest lecturer for upperclassmen at University of Arizona and the topic was "leadership" broad, yes! I could go in any direction with this. The purpose was to get these students prepared to lead in the workplace and in their careers. The first slide on my powerpoint presentation read "There will always be someone BETTER than you..." You would be amazed from the response and discussion that followed that slide. After 16 years of education here was a lecture hall full of students who were NOT demeaned by the statement, but inspired. Grown men who wanted to sell themselves on how they would be the next CEO for the companies they were being recruited for changed their "sell" altogether. Another take on what success would look like for them...and NO ONE had offered that to them before as an inspirational outlook.
My point is who are we raising? What are we tolerating? What do we do about it? As parents what do we do? I don't want my child to view his test scores in relationship to his peer because when he is 35 and a father to a young child with questions about life and the world, what will his perception of the world be? Will those test scores encourage him to be the best? or the best he can be? Will he coach his child to be valedictorian? Give up a balanced life for scholarships?
Moms and dads...ponder this one for a parent's night out dinner conversation...is it wrong to raise an underachiever? An average child? What does it really mean to give your child a better life than "what you had?" When my baby boy was born 4 years ago I handed out announcements that read "Vote for me for President in 2048." Now he is already talking about NOT going away to college. We are discussing community college with a 4 year old. Psssst. Now you can finish your parent's night out conversation with " How can we spend all that college money we are saving?!!!?"
I once was a guest lecturer for upperclassmen at University of Arizona and the topic was "leadership" broad, yes! I could go in any direction with this. The purpose was to get these students prepared to lead in the workplace and in their careers. The first slide on my powerpoint presentation read "There will always be someone BETTER than you..." You would be amazed from the response and discussion that followed that slide. After 16 years of education here was a lecture hall full of students who were NOT demeaned by the statement, but inspired. Grown men who wanted to sell themselves on how they would be the next CEO for the companies they were being recruited for changed their "sell" altogether. Another take on what success would look like for them...and NO ONE had offered that to them before as an inspirational outlook.
My point is who are we raising? What are we tolerating? What do we do about it? As parents what do we do? I don't want my child to view his test scores in relationship to his peer because when he is 35 and a father to a young child with questions about life and the world, what will his perception of the world be? Will those test scores encourage him to be the best? or the best he can be? Will he coach his child to be valedictorian? Give up a balanced life for scholarships?
Moms and dads...ponder this one for a parent's night out dinner conversation...is it wrong to raise an underachiever? An average child? What does it really mean to give your child a better life than "what you had?" When my baby boy was born 4 years ago I handed out announcements that read "Vote for me for President in 2048." Now he is already talking about NOT going away to college. We are discussing community college with a 4 year old. Psssst. Now you can finish your parent's night out conversation with " How can we spend all that college money we are saving?!!!?"
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
DUST OFF THE ANGEL THEORIES...
I know in the past several years there has been a lot of commercial popularity around angels. A few Christmases ago I received several angel tokens, books, even figurines. Many of these have since been successfully re-gifted, loaned out and some just "goodwilled." Alas, two angels live on top of my refrigerator. One is an old Christmas tree topper that I came to depend on for inspiration when I was pregnant with my son almost five years ago. Another is one of those carved wood angels..." the angel of courage" that my dear co-worker gave to me when I was working and my whole team was struggling. I don't worship angels so I have never given them the idolotry level of respect that I think others sometimes invest.
This week, though, I am reminded of the SERVICE of angels. Have you ever seen an angel? Well
I have. I think I may have seen them more than once and simply dismissed it as my imagination. But this week, one of them gave me " a look." No, I have not fallen off my rocker. It was an unmistakable look of " lady...working for you and your family is making me want to retire my wings" kind-of look.
You see my two year old daughter requires a HOST, rather a TEAM of angels wrapped in arms in a circle around her person @ all times. No, she is free of childhood disease..THANK YOU GOD. She lives a carefree normal childhood in thanks to the angels that surround her each day. She has always been a special case. I know other parents think that their child is naturally dangerous, clumsy, fearless. Mine lives in this zone @ all times. Add to that she is sweet, flighty, crafty-clever, and faithful that "it will always be alright."That is why I have seen the angels. They are so hard @ work that I can literally see them when she flails her head back in a tantrum or throws herself down a flight of stairs.
The angels have trained me also in the art of anticipation. I can eyeball a room, a car, a potential playdate for all things suffocation, wood, steel, hinges, pinching hazards, electrocution, slip hazards, choke hazards and stranger danger/ swiper hazards in the matter of 3 seconds. But only because of the angels that surround her. My son says this is my superpower because other mothers don't "boss people around" like I do...I can train a childcare worker uber fast about my dangerous child's tendancy @ drop-off. I revel in the " I told you so" moment upon pick-up when the trusting childcare workers are awestruck @ her audacity and fearlessness.
So before you dismiss the next corny angel figurine you see @ Hallmark or on your great aunt's sidetable ( or in our extended family's' case the 7 curios that can't contain the little nuggets of homage that spill out onto every surface in the house)...remember.... The real teams of working angels out there in the universe cannot help it. They may have inspired the commercial angel revolution, but they are not wholly responsible for it.
If I might squak on their behalf...."Don't blame us. We are just here to do a job. We love what we do. We are called by God to protect you and yours. Get out of our way. Don't judge...you can thank us when you get to heaven for all we do that goes unseen. Have a sense of humor, because in our line of work a sense of humor is imperative. No need to worship us, just honor us from time to time...." Duly noted my angel friends. Duly noted.
"Some people have entertained angels without knowing it" Hebrews 13:2
I know in the past several years there has been a lot of commercial popularity around angels. A few Christmases ago I received several angel tokens, books, even figurines. Many of these have since been successfully re-gifted, loaned out and some just "goodwilled." Alas, two angels live on top of my refrigerator. One is an old Christmas tree topper that I came to depend on for inspiration when I was pregnant with my son almost five years ago. Another is one of those carved wood angels..." the angel of courage" that my dear co-worker gave to me when I was working and my whole team was struggling. I don't worship angels so I have never given them the idolotry level of respect that I think others sometimes invest.
This week, though, I am reminded of the SERVICE of angels. Have you ever seen an angel? Well
I have. I think I may have seen them more than once and simply dismissed it as my imagination. But this week, one of them gave me " a look." No, I have not fallen off my rocker. It was an unmistakable look of " lady...working for you and your family is making me want to retire my wings" kind-of look.
You see my two year old daughter requires a HOST, rather a TEAM of angels wrapped in arms in a circle around her person @ all times. No, she is free of childhood disease..THANK YOU GOD. She lives a carefree normal childhood in thanks to the angels that surround her each day. She has always been a special case. I know other parents think that their child is naturally dangerous, clumsy, fearless. Mine lives in this zone @ all times. Add to that she is sweet, flighty, crafty-clever, and faithful that "it will always be alright."That is why I have seen the angels. They are so hard @ work that I can literally see them when she flails her head back in a tantrum or throws herself down a flight of stairs.
The angels have trained me also in the art of anticipation. I can eyeball a room, a car, a potential playdate for all things suffocation, wood, steel, hinges, pinching hazards, electrocution, slip hazards, choke hazards and stranger danger/ swiper hazards in the matter of 3 seconds. But only because of the angels that surround her. My son says this is my superpower because other mothers don't "boss people around" like I do...I can train a childcare worker uber fast about my dangerous child's tendancy @ drop-off. I revel in the " I told you so" moment upon pick-up when the trusting childcare workers are awestruck @ her audacity and fearlessness.
So before you dismiss the next corny angel figurine you see @ Hallmark or on your great aunt's sidetable ( or in our extended family's' case the 7 curios that can't contain the little nuggets of homage that spill out onto every surface in the house)...remember.... The real teams of working angels out there in the universe cannot help it. They may have inspired the commercial angel revolution, but they are not wholly responsible for it.
If I might squak on their behalf...."Don't blame us. We are just here to do a job. We love what we do. We are called by God to protect you and yours. Get out of our way. Don't judge...you can thank us when you get to heaven for all we do that goes unseen. Have a sense of humor, because in our line of work a sense of humor is imperative. No need to worship us, just honor us from time to time...." Duly noted my angel friends. Duly noted.
"Some people have entertained angels without knowing it" Hebrews 13:2
Monday, March 1, 2010
anonymomdotcom
Who is afraid of the big bad mommy?
As a parent of toddlers who would have guessed out of all the things to fear...bedtime routines, lack of sleep, stranger danger, children sharing "their" version of what happens @ home...the stuff worthy of a children's services investigation--that none of those would matter. Instead it is something even further out of our control...the other soccer moms. Wait...before you tune out and decide "here goes another one of those ranting gossipmoms" hear me out. I include myself in this dangerous gaggle of "others" and try to understand where I fit in to the mayhem. Dare I say "If you are a mom, you should too...?"
It seems as if some of us have learned to get past the "mother's guilt" and the inferiority complexes that are self-imposed and now there's more! Its apparent that we all do our best to get through the day, yet what are our words, non-verbals and those attitudes saying to the children in other families? Do we have a responsibility to manage our self awareness in this way? Should we take ownership in how other children feel about us? Is role modeling the other child's parenting style something we should invest our time and energy in or do we leave it up to each parent to help their own kids digest our behaviors, rules, culture? And do we really take the time to do that?
My son's recent fascination with another child's life has prompted so many questions about my own display of proper parenting. I am not talking about a teenager or even a pre-teen's concern with the outside world. I am talking about a preschooler being protective of his little friend. Clearly he has seen the other child interact with the parent and wonders "why" his mommy doesn't do it the same way. I confess that at first I could have cared less. Now that it is on my radar I am seeing other parents (usually parents of preschoolers and younger children) spew...yes I said spew...their opinions and beliefs in front of not only their own children but in front of mine. What hurts my ears and invokes fear at first is the judgemental tone and level of conviction in their voices. These mothers believe they are right. No wiggle room. When said...its as if its the gospel and an argument is not warranted. So I don't.
Next comes the fear and responsibility it creates for me as a parent. My child just caught that. If I don't later bring it up and discuss it with my child they may not understand the why and the why not... So here we are. Four years into parenting and now understanding that I alone cannot change the other parents of the world. I have work to do. I have bombs to diffuse. What is worse is the level of self-awareness that I am now reponsible for around other children. How do I sound? How do I respect the boundaries of other parenting styles without sacrificing my own? I am not even on the soccer field yet, people...I am just in the hallway.
As a parent of toddlers who would have guessed out of all the things to fear...bedtime routines, lack of sleep, stranger danger, children sharing "their" version of what happens @ home...the stuff worthy of a children's services investigation--that none of those would matter. Instead it is something even further out of our control...the other soccer moms. Wait...before you tune out and decide "here goes another one of those ranting gossipmoms" hear me out. I include myself in this dangerous gaggle of "others" and try to understand where I fit in to the mayhem. Dare I say "If you are a mom, you should too...?"
It seems as if some of us have learned to get past the "mother's guilt" and the inferiority complexes that are self-imposed and now there's more! Its apparent that we all do our best to get through the day, yet what are our words, non-verbals and those attitudes saying to the children in other families? Do we have a responsibility to manage our self awareness in this way? Should we take ownership in how other children feel about us? Is role modeling the other child's parenting style something we should invest our time and energy in or do we leave it up to each parent to help their own kids digest our behaviors, rules, culture? And do we really take the time to do that?
My son's recent fascination with another child's life has prompted so many questions about my own display of proper parenting. I am not talking about a teenager or even a pre-teen's concern with the outside world. I am talking about a preschooler being protective of his little friend. Clearly he has seen the other child interact with the parent and wonders "why" his mommy doesn't do it the same way. I confess that at first I could have cared less. Now that it is on my radar I am seeing other parents (usually parents of preschoolers and younger children) spew...yes I said spew...their opinions and beliefs in front of not only their own children but in front of mine. What hurts my ears and invokes fear at first is the judgemental tone and level of conviction in their voices. These mothers believe they are right. No wiggle room. When said...its as if its the gospel and an argument is not warranted. So I don't.
Next comes the fear and responsibility it creates for me as a parent. My child just caught that. If I don't later bring it up and discuss it with my child they may not understand the why and the why not... So here we are. Four years into parenting and now understanding that I alone cannot change the other parents of the world. I have work to do. I have bombs to diffuse. What is worse is the level of self-awareness that I am now reponsible for around other children. How do I sound? How do I respect the boundaries of other parenting styles without sacrificing my own? I am not even on the soccer field yet, people...I am just in the hallway.
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